#16 Week 41, Blessingways, and Toys

So, I'm staying true to my nature and running a little late!! I've also had a few conversations with some of the women in Rob's family, it turns out that tardiness runs in his family too!! His sister was born a month late and both Rob and their brother ran late as well, and many of his cousins and their children where between 2 and 3 weeks overdue! I certainly don't have providers that would condone 3 and 4 weeks overdue, but I'm holding out for a little more time! As it is, by my last menstrual cycle, I am 2 weeks overdue, but I have long cycles and I KNOW that I didn't conceive on a "normal" schedule, I probably conceived at least a week later maybe more, which is why I can push my providers to give me a little more time. There is progress being made, my cervex is softening and thinning and I am having "flexes" and "surges" periodically, just nothing in a pattern! I does feel like the baby is more in my pelvis than before, but I've been saying that for a month now!

A few weeks ago, my homegirl Tina, threw me a Blessingway. It was wonderful. My good friend Renee, drove all the way from Spokane to surprise me with her presence, K8 made it over from Vashon Island, and there was about 10 women total, which was just perfect! Rob spent most of his time outside with the children, which was just so adorable!! A.N. came to help before the party and when it got a little crowded bowed out of the party, and though I'd have liked it if she'd been able to stay, her help and presence was such a blessing that I can't hold it against her too much. ;) I got my belly casted, thank you ladies that helped. I had to bolster my self esteem for that as I am not a thin person, but hey, if you're gonna get whats important to you, you gotta do what you gotta do! I have to say the part that stands out the most is sitting in a chair in the living room with all my Ladies around me, we're all chatting, some are working on a necklace for me to wear at birth, Tina and K8 are soaking, salt scrubbing, and massaging my feet and Kim is braiding my hair, into which she's sticking blooming herbs from our garden! My glasses where off and I'd often find my eyes closing so the memory has this soft around the edges feel. Being surrounded by women who love me and each other as most of them knew each other was just so wonderful, every woman needs such a moment! Most of them brought a candle and A.N. brought me a Goddess figure to add to the few I already have, I'm just tickled with my birth alter. My other good friend that wasn't able to make it, made sure that I got a candle from her and she's loaned me the birth necklace that her women made her for her 2nd birth. Then I was at Hempfest with Rob and A.N. and found our friend who makes glass jewlery and art, he let us sit for a while (quite a blessing) and then gifted me with a beautiful necklace pendant. I'm going to be neck heavy during this birth!!

I was down at Freight House Square near the Tacoma Dome a couple of weeks ago and there was a new store, ChildTrek, (blog) which carries only eco-friendly, non-toxic toys!! It was the week before their official grand opening and the lovely lady running the place, hurried over to my belly to ask all of the standard questions and question my priorities. I assured her that I was tickled pink to find her store. She told me about her upcoming grand opening and I made plans to return the following week! I thought that her G.O. started on Tuesday, it was actually Wednesday, (runs through 9/14/08) so when I got down there with Rob, Tina and her two girls, and my very pregnant self to find her gate closed, I was a little frustrated in that way only a pregnant woman can get! Lucky me, she was in there and heard my exasperated comments! I do feel bad that she heard them, but it worked! She very generously offered to let us in to shop around. When I offered to return the next day, baby willing, because of the tempting G.O. special offers (cloth bag with $20 purchase), she said not a problem, all that stuff was already here and I was welcome to them! Seeing Tina's older girl (12yrs) excited on behalf of little kids was great, but seeing her younger one (4yrs), play and just enjoy herself with these safe toys was wonderful. Rob was a little adorable himself. He was looking at little rattle style toys for the littlest of babies and found one that said "from the first month" and "saliva proof paint". That 2nd quote was his favorite!! We couldn't choose just one item so we went with the rattle, a little orange dolly with a wooden teething ring, and a monkey puppet-washcloth. Not only did we get the cloth bag ( a really nice one), we got a couple of little "ornament" size toys that are more like examples of what they carry than actual toys and a cool pencil with a similar topper! Tina and the girls got some too (even though they weren't able to make any purchases)! Then to top it off, we were at the Olympia Co-op this last weekend, we saw a family with a little one in a carrier with a toy that we saw at the store, so we mentioned it to the family. They said that they'd researched the toys (Plan Toys) and had to get them on-line, because even in Hippy Haven - Olympia, there wasn't a store that carried them, at least that they could find. The lady behind us in line also joined the conversation and we told them that we'd found a new store in Tacoma, at Freight House Square, that carried these and other safe toys exclusively! They were excited and I truly believe that they will find themselves at ChildTrek sometime in the future! The Power of Word of Mouth!!

Well, I've got to go get ready for another DR appointment, we have a lot of them these days!!

#15 37 Weeks

First let me say that I found the site that I've been looking for since blog #6, that lists hygiene products and their safety!! It's called Skin Deep.

Super Diddle is oh so very active!! This last weekend Rob and I went to Spokane for a W. Family Reunion. I got to see all but 1 of the "10 Greats", unfortunately, a lot of the cousins (Dad's generation) weren't there. It was so good to see those that I grew up with and it was especially nice to see them while I'm so pregnant. Rob did well with all of the introductions, I tried to tie family stories into the intros like, "This is Aunt Sue, she's a nurse in NY and has a GDaughter with my name." "This is Uncle Carl, he had the 15 hand horse that tried to dislodge me under an apple tree." At one point, one of Aunt MaryLou's grandsons needed a band aid, so I asked Aunt Toni if she new where the first aid kit was, she asked what I needed, I said, "My water broke and I need a band aid." Her eye's opened up wide and said, "You'll need more than a band aid!" Rob seemed to have fun, at one point he wandered away from me and started refereeing the kids football game, he probably knows the names of my generation of cousins better than I do now!

While we were over at Dad's, the two most important things happened, Dad and Justin, both got to feel the baby move. Sarah got to feel it too, unfortunately Carin, Brendan, and Renee got left out of the action! It was very important to me that Dad and Justin get to feel the baby move. I don't know that Dad has ever had the opportunity to feel a baby move inside of the womb and I know that Justin hadn't. Super Diddle did a gentle roll under Dad's hand and gave a combo roll/kick under Justin's! It made me very happy to give them that experience. It may be that it means more to me than to them, I don't know and that's o.k., it's just something that I wanted to share with them.

Aside from the extreme swelling, everything went very well. The flights were uneventful. My friend Renee, picked us up and dropped us off at the airport, she even loaned us her car over the weekend, not that we used it much, but we had it should we have needed it! Brendan is now driving, so he drove us back from the family reunion. It was at dusk and a little nerve wracking as he's a new driver, but knows that Dad is a fearless driver. I think maybe he's picked up on that a little too much, too soon. Rob and I helped with the deer spotting (5 in all), but going over the pass between home and the reunion, with all the curves in the road, I was more than a little nervous about the blind corners. We made it home safe and the next day when we drove in the daylight, to go letterboxing, Brendan handed me the keys. I do want to follow up with Dad on the experience to ensure that he's aware that Dusk Driving, especially with corners, may be a topic that needs to be discussed again! In regards to letterboxing, I have to say, Sarah is very enthusiastic about it, Brendan seems to be also, though I think the hunting of the box is what appeals most to him, Justin seems to like the idea, but is willing to forgo the stamps and just enjoy the hunt and camaraderie. I think the "boys" will also enjoy the planting of letterboxes too!

My house is cleaner every time I turn around, however, every time I or someone else cleans something, a previously cleaned area looks a not as good as it did before the new spot got cleaned! This week, it is very important to me that Rob and I get certain things done. For one, I need his help with a few things that have been waiting for him for a few weeks, also, this Friday is the day that my midwives come for a home visit to get the layout of the house! I'll wait for them to come over to help decide if I should put the birth pool up upstairs or down. I'm thinking the dining room, but can see the basement room being a good spot!

I'm having a lot of what I call "flexes". I don't like the word contractions, the word itself is tight and painful, I was thinking that I liked the word "rush" or "rushes", but I've been thinking of them more as "flexes". They don't hurt, they last only a little while, and the worst part is that they usually happen when I get up to do something or while I'm doing something like laundry or dishes, not exactly when I want to stop and allow it to finish. Rob and I are going to hypno birthing classes, I'm getting something out of it, but I not sure that I'm getting as much out of it as possible, as I haven't listened to the cd's yet and have not incorporated any practice into my daily routine. Either way, I know that it will provide one more tool in my tool belt of birth! As I like to say, this baby will come out!


Well, I've got a few things to do before I go for my pre-natal massage from my wonderful doula!!

#14 More Good

Rob and I went camping for our anniversary. I don't think I'd have been able to do it any later in the pregnancy than we did, I thought I'd never move again after the first night on the ground! We had a great time and stayed for 3 nights. We camped at Big Creek Campground near Lake Cushman. I have to say that it is a great campground. Each space is far enough from the next that you can't really see it (at least we think so, we couldn't see our stuff from other sites - we were the only one's within 5 sites of us!) Most of the sites have a little area that is set aside for the tent, one even had little steps down into the area. We picked one with less separation, not because we didn't like the idea, we did, but because it was the weekend after Memorial Day and in this particular site, there was a pile of fire wood, including kindling, and a beautifully laid out bed of moss for under the tent! We met a couple of hippie chicks from Olympia who loaned us their ax, as that was one of about 3 things we couldn't believe we'd forgotten, we went mushroom hunting, hiking through a clear cut, we tried to drive to Staircase - but the road was closed, we hiked the part of the trail in the campground that we could reach, as the two bridges were out, I tried to find the place where I broke my leg (no luck, but next time!), we got frisky in the woods 8), and I took a little sponge bath while sitting on a towel over an exposed root, with water that Rob had brought back from the creek and heated over the fire. He angled a long piece of wood and hung a towel over it to block the little bit of a view that one might have walking by and even scrubbed my back! He does things right once in a while! I have to say that it was one of the most luxurious things I've ever done while camping! We also eat GREAT while we're out camping or even traveling! We had burritos with beans that we'd cooked before leaving (breakfast burritos with eggs in the morning), cabbage, cilantro, hot sauce, cheese, onion, mmmm. We had pasta with freshly harvested oyster mushrooms, I swear they taste and smell just like chicken! Rob had wine, I had an excellent ginger brew! We used tortillas for our lunches as well, with seasoned, baked tofu, lettuce, cilantro, mayo, onion, mmmm. Rob being vegetarian, he doesn't eat marshmallows because they contain gelatin, well Gramma found out that the marshmallow fluff doesn't have gelatin, so we had our own style of s'mores!! We set a grate over the fire, placed chocolate on the graham cracker over the fire, as it melted I put some fluff on another cracker. We made the little sandwich and into the mouth it went!!! Oh so good! I know it didn't have the roasted marshmallow flavor, but Rob wasn't even sure that he'd even had a s'more before, so from that perspective, they were damn good!!

I do want to take this time to encourage everyone who is able, to volunteer with the Washington Trails Association, they do a lot of good work that we benefit from and rarely think about. It is a future goal of mine to volunteer with them, not sure how that will work with starting a family just now, but we'll see!

This last weekend the Aunties came over again, oh my, what progress has been made! I can't believe it! Estelle came over and helped too, she got here early in the morning and scrubbed the walls of the "office"(aka back bedroom), while I worked on the kitchen. She was in and out lickety split! Aunt C. arrived first and started with the carpet cleaning in the "office", a short time later Aunt S. arrived. We got the "office" cleaned, the "den" (front bedroom) tidied, the dining room cleared of clutter and vacuumed. Now, I've started painting, the "office". It's going to hold our dressers and hopefully be a sewing/craft room for me! I'm painting it a lovely shade of light yellow (Kelly-Moore Rise and Shine) with a white trim! I've decide to give the ceiling one more coat, let that dry and then tackle the walls! Then the trim in a semi-gloss! Once the painting is done (by the way, we're using a no- VOC paint with lo-VOC tint!) I'm going to "help" Rob move the dressers into the "office"! Once that is done, we'll start thinking about the "den". In between doing these things, I'm to start organizing some of the living room to make it easier for the aunties to help with it!

Wow, how the baby moves! I'm at 30 weeks now and Super Diddle wiggles and jiggles inside me, much like a giant, growing spider! I love how it feels. Sometimes it takes my breath away, not because it hurts, just because it takes me by surprise! I also have noticed over that last couple of weeks that I can quite clearly feel shifts and stretches. I can almost imagine the little limb and what it's doing inside of me! I've felt Super Diddle's little fingers wiggle when baby's head is down in by pelvis, which means it's not turned quite the right way, but we have time and SD doesn't stay down yet, too much play room still! I do love the mornings and evenings, that's still when baby is most active, I feel like we're getting to know each other during those times. Dr. P, gave us a baby book, it's beautiful. It includes a book with pictures of babies, a blank book for me to fill out about being pregnant, and of course one for when the baby comes, all in one decorative keepsake box. I'm very excited to get them filled out, of course a little apprehensive too, in that filling out the pregnancy book, I'd be leaving some things out or documenting more than I actually want to remember. This hasn't been the easiest time in my life and no, it's not just because I'm pregnant, it's the combination of things only exacerbated by the emotional magnifying glass that is pregnancy. I don't want to lie to my child, but I do think there is a time for truth and it wont be soon.

On the down side, I've recently had the unfortunate luck to be around a number of children not behaving. At least one of those experiences was quite disturbing. I just remind myself that it takes a while to get where those kids are and their parents didn't (at least the ones I know) take the same parenting path that Rob and I are planning to travel. With a little luck and a lot of effort, hopefully the outbursts that I've recently witnessed will be few and far between. There is no guaranty so I'm also wondering what action to take when these outbursts happen? I was just talking with my Aunties about it. I don't remember being hit, but I don't remember hassling my parents to buy me things at the store, or behaving the way I've seen these kids behave, "ask once, that's all", "don't make a scene". They assured me that I was smacked a bit to get me to that point, I just don't remember casual hitting, a handful of spankings, yes, but no slaps on the hand, swats to the but, shakings, or the like. I do remember being sent to the car once, it was a little scary and I came back in and said that I was ready to behave ( I can't see doing that these days, so not an option for me!). In conversation with my MIL and my husband, it's clear that they don't believe in spanking, but then with my beautiful attitude, I feel that my husband may have benefited from a few spankings! I think that there are probably a couple of instances that spanking may be called for, but I don't want to spank in anger or with anything other than my hand, so spankings, if given will be given probably by me, with my hand, after I've had time to calm down, and after a discussion as to why the child is getting one, but hopefully this will be unnecessary and I'll have learned other methods of parenting by then. We are planning on taking a Love and Logic parenting class, I figure that we have a little while to take it, so it's still in the planning phase. So, here I am, where ideology meets reality!

#13 Confirmations and Good Stuff

I talked with Aunt SW, today. She wholeheartedly agreed to stay with us for a few days after the baby is born to help out!! What a relief!!!!!!! I know others will be by to help, but she's the only one that will be able to stay to help. Of course I just thought of my mother-in-law, who, if able, will stay too, but she's got a work schedule and I'll take her when I can get her, like a second shift, this will give her some time to make arrangements with work and such! I think that will cover the postpartum doula need!

I just heard that the high-chair funds have been raised by a group of Rob's co-workers, yeah!! I'm really excited! It's a great chair and has a long future with us as it adjusts to hold an adult up to 250#s, when not being used for a child!

I saw my good friends L. and B., and their 3 beautiful children today!! It's been far too long. Their littlest, 7 month old V. seemed to like me from the get go, even though she shies away from her own Gramma and she'd never met me, so that felt great!!! Then L. gifted me their little used play yard and a tank top! It's been a good day! Also, B. still works with a number of people that I miss and hope to reconnect with. He was telling me who he still has contact with and I got all excited, because when I think of the good friends that I have lost contact with, so many of them are from Borders, where I worked with B. and L. and these others. Sometimes, I'm glad the world is as small as it is!

I spoke with Dr. P about traveling to my family reunion in July, she said that as long as I was healthy and not dilated, that it wouldn't be a problem. She likes to encourage family things and even seemed excited for me! I spoke with her about a water birth and laboring in the birth tub, she was supportive of that too! Love it!!!

Last weekend we had a little impromptu yard sale of my mom's stuff. We made about $75. I plan on putting the money in a savings account for the baby, or if we need it for something for the baby, it'll be considered a gift from Gramma MW. My Aunt S. and my friend A. came over and helped put everything out in the yard and A. was able to stay and help put stuff away, the next day the Salvation Army came and picked up most of the left overs. Pretty much all I have left is the stuff that I didn't want to give the SA and her clothes. Aunt S is coming over again tomorrow to help shift stuff and get things sorted for "future actions"! I meant to ask Aunt SW if she wanted to come over too, maybe I'll call her in the morning! While the upstairs still looks like a disaster, we're making progress down stairs and it's only a matter of time before the upstairs is affected as we do the "mighty shift of stuff"! This blog helps keep the progress obvious!

As hard of a time that I've had emotionally these last few weeks, there are these good things and I just have to remember to focus on these things!

#12 Photography and Postpartum Doula

I admit that while I'm not a fan of my body when not covered in clothing, I would like to document the experience of pregnancy through photography. I do have plans to have someone (?) belly cast me, but I'd love a beautiful photograph. Something by a professional who knows how to airbrush blemishes and stretch marks and use lighting to my full advantage!! I go from feeling like a goddess; creating life, powerful, beautiful, sexy, and strong, to feeling like I have no control over my emotions, body, life, or home, feeling fat and awkward, and with no job, I feel like I have to ask permission to buy necessities that Husband doesn't think of (he doesn't want me to feel like I need permission and has recently given me a bit of money to spend as I need to!). I just want to document my beautiful, sexy, pregnant body and eventually forget about all the other crap! (I also want Daddy included in the photo shoot.) I've decided to ask for it as a gift, because we just can't afford it ourselves - it doesn't make the list of "need". I googled "pregnancy photography tacoma" and "maternity photography tacoma". I found some really impressive stuff between Seattle/(article about phgrphr) and Olympia. One in Tacoma, but I'm not sure if she does the touch ups that I'll need, Lakewood, no listing of packages or prices, another near me, more affordable. Of course, if this is gifted then I'll go where I get! (note: there are 6 sites linked here) I would like to ask that if you decide to gift a photo shoot, that: touch ups are available, there is a studio, and maybe that the photographer has experience with plus size models.

The other thing that I want, especially reflecting on the last blog entry is a postpartum doula. My friend Amy has a friend, Debbie, that I re-met recently, who, I believe, knows about the circumstances of my Mom, so might give us a friend/sympathy discount, don't really know, but I think I might follow up soon and update this entry later with more info on that! (long sentence!!) This is also a splurge and we probably wont be spending our own money on this, so it goes strictly on the gift list!

#11 Mother's Day and updates

Yesterday was quite full! It started at 10am, I called my friend April, who had agreed to go North with me. I asked her if she could reschedule her 1:15 appointment for earlier, alas, she could not, but did realize that her appointment was for 1:00, all of this to get up to Seattle for a 1:00 DVD signing of one of Rob's favorite new shows on Adult Swim, "Tim and Eric's Awesome Show, Great Job". I called Scarecrow Video (the host of the signing) and they were kind enough to reserve a copy and have it signed if I didn't get there early enough! We did end up getting there in time. Tim was unenthusiastic, Eric was kind and thanked us for coming, their regular guest on the show, David, was flirtatious with April and wrote all over the paper part of the DVD cover, over the other autographs, and included both his home and cell phone numbers!! I would have been mad, but I knew Rob would get a kick out of it all! David did draw a goose on the back side of the DVD cover and told us that he grew up on farms in Wisconsin, to this April said, "I'm from Wisconsin, too!" This led to her being bilked out of a $10 "donation" for 2 CD's that he'd made! April generously passed them onto Rob after listening to 1 1/2 songs! These are Rob's anniversary gifts! After that, we went to Westlake Center to a store called Lush! I got some shoe/toe dust for Rob's work boots, a couple of deodorants, one for now with tea tree and citrus in it and another that's not so strong smelling for when the baby is born. I also got a couple of massage bars, just an excuse to get Rob to rub on me!! (OK, also to help my skin stretch.) From there, we went to the Pikes Place Market. I found Rob, some strong blue cheese, morels, and a cheesecake treat to share! I'm feeling like a very good little wifey!

As far as updates, after the Pike Place Market, we went to get my birth ball! I lovely craigslist find, only $15. I haven't pumped it up yet, so I'm hopeful that the little chit didn't screw me! She seemed nice and friendly, so I have a good feeling about it. I had to drive out to Kirkland to get it, but from Seattle, it was well worth it. I also got a "ball chair" in Kirkland, for only $20! I didn't get to meet the woman who listed it, but I found out from her husband that she's a naturopath!! All in all, it was a very worthwhile day!!

Today, I went with my Gramma, Aunt S., and cousin to our annual "Daughters of All Ages" event at church. Last year when the singing about moms started I took my little cousin for a walk around the church, this year, only one song was really about mothers, so I stayed strong and stayed. I tried to think of it as being sung for my Gramma, but I still couldn't bring myself to sing along. I only cried once and that was during the opening prayer. I did however have a melt down before my Aunt picked me up to go! Afterwards, at Gramma and Grampa's, I felt morose. My Aunt took me home and helped me out for at least an hour, maybe more, in the basement, we really got a lot done! She even took stuff with her to be dropped off at the Goodwill.

With Mother's Day fast approaching, I really resent my Mom right now. I feel like she's supposed to be here for me, she's the one with only adult children and no job, who can be there for me to go shopping with, to clean with, to stay with me after the baby is born. Who is going to help me now? Gramma can't go up and down the stairs to do laundry, stay overnight, or clean the house. My Mom's sisters, Aunts C. and S., have children and jobs and while they live close enough to visit on the weekends, not quite close enough to stay late into the evenings or overnight and leave for home in the morning. On my Dad's side, he's got a wonderful wife, who lives with him in Spokane, a sister, Aunt G., and a sister-in-law, Aunt SW, here in town. Aunt G., I think that, even with only adult children, has far too much going on to stay with me, but will be willing to visit as often as she can. Aunt SW, was friends with my Mom before becoming my aunt and has known me since in utero and saw me the same day I was born, has only grown children and I think less on her plate and is the most likely to be available to help me in the way that my Mom would've. I have to talk to Aunt S. about her availability, I don't doubt her willingness. I do have another friend R., that is hoping to come over from Spokane, when the baby is born. She's hoping she can get 3-5 days, it will depend on her employer. She's got a son, who is about 367 days younger than me. R. may never have any grandchildren by him, so we have adopted each other, she's even picked out the title she wants my child/ren to call her! If she is able to make it, it will certainly be a blessing, I just can't count on it.

In writing this out, it helps me to see that there are folks to help, even if just a little, unfortunately, I still have an ache about my Mom. She's left a mess for me to deal with and she's not here to help me with it or my pregnancy. A whole new hurt in a very painful time, combined with a pregnancy and all the emotions that that brings.